The other day, I came across this post from a convert to Judaism who co-authors a group blog with others who have converted and/or are trying to ramp up their religious observance. He writes about his frustration with finding the right branch of Judaism that will fully accept him as a convert, allow him the best expression of his Judaism, and also provide a sense of comfort and community. His words were so heartfelt and describe so closely what I feel myself that I was compelled to post a comment.

My comments are posted below.

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Avi,
I came across your post via a Jewish blogpost aggregator and I felt like I was reading my own life story, but with one small difference - I was born Jewish.
Although my parents were always Conservative in practice, we belonged to a modern orthodox synagogue in New York in the ’60s and 70’s until I was about 12. Like many Jews at the time, my parents chose comfort and a nicer neighborhood over religiosity, moved to the suburbs and joined a Conservative shul. It was a little hard making the adjustment “down” at first, but as a kid I just got used to it after awhile. Besides, we had always really been living “observant Conservative” - keeping kosher at home but not outside, going to services and even weekday evening minyanim much of the time, but not all of the time, etc.
About 10 years ago, I finally met the woman of my dreams. She is the daughter of a convert of the Conservative movement. As such neither she nor my daughters are considered Jewish by the Orthodox. So now, I find that the movement I grew up in and actually respect a great deal for their level of education and observance is off limits to me. Not only that, but even on the rare occasion where I have come to attend an orthodox service, I feel out of place and out of touch - I sometimes can’t believe how much of the full ritual and prayer I’ve forgotten. (I do enjoy the occasional Chabad learning series, but it’s really just for me personally).
Anyhow, now that my family and I am firmly planted in the Conservative movement in a large Texas city, I often get frustrated by the lack of involvement and interest in the halacha, outside of the usual 10% of the congregation that does particpate regularly. When I do go to Shabbat services, I often find that I’m one of a few dozen people fully comfortable with the Hebrew and the singing in a crowd of 100-150. I know that if I turn to the next guy (or gal) and say, “Hey what do you think of this particular passage in this week’s parsha?”, I’d just get a shrug from most people.
I am in no way perfect, shomer Shabbos, completely kosher, etc. but I want to strive towards that goal and there is very little guidance or support for increasing one’s observance in the Conservative community. More importantly there is zero community pressure. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I was actually a little embarrassed to meet someone during dinner on a Friday night at the local babrbecue joint or Chinese restaurant.
I send my kids to a Conservative Day School where I do believe they are receving an excellent Jewish education. But don’t even get me started on the lack of seriousness on the part of the majority of parents who allow the kids to leave their Judaism behind in the classroom as mommy picks them up with a cup from McDonalds in their hand (seriously).
And the point of all this is…..
What I am slowly discovering is that the more I think about Judaism in general and take a look around, the more I realize that each individual Jew maintains their own level of education and observance and that it’s almost impossible to find a congregation that will meet one’s spiritual needs perfectly.
I don’t get upset anymore at the Orthodox who don’t accept my family, I don’t get upset with the Conservative shuls (even my own) that try to push the boundaries of ritual and are making constant changes to their rituals to “stay fresh” and I don’t get upset with Reform Jews because I guess I’m just happy that they care at all. All I know is that I will do the best I can and I believe that Hashem will accept me wherever and however I turn to Him as long as I strive to learn the mitzvot, do as many mitzvot as I feel comfortable with, and treat all my fellow Jews with respect. And, with any luck, someone less observant than even myself (not to mention my children) will see how much joy I take in my Judaism and will perhaps think of getting more involved, or want to learn a little bit more. That’s really what it’s all about to me.
Now it’s my turn to apologize for the rant, but your post really struck a chord in me that I’ve been hard pressed to express or explain.
Bets of luck to you and yours.