Thanks to Cousin Debbie for this joke:
A Jewish couple is sitting together on an airplane flying to The Far East.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines
have ceased functioning and this plane will be going down. Luckily, I
see
an uncharted island below us that should be able to accommodate our
landing. However, the odds are that we will never be rescued and will
have
to live on the island for the rest of our lives."
A few minutes later the plane lands safely on the island. Morris turns
to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our pledge to the yeshiva
yet?"
"No, Morris," she responds.
Morris smiles and then asks, "Esther, did we pay our
UJA pledge?"
"Oy, no! I haven't sent the check," she says.
Now Morris laughs out loud. "One last thing, Esther.
Did you remember to send our Temple Building Fund check this month?"
"Oy, Morris, I haven't sent that one, either." says Esther.
Now, Morris is practically choking with laughter. Esther asks
Morris,
"So? What are you smiling and laughing about?"
Morris answers confidently,
"They'll find us."
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Friday, June 10, 2005
Last year I bought a fascinating book, "A Baptist Among the Jews" by Mary Blye Howe. I also went to see her speak at the local JCC about her experience on learning from scratch about Judaism twas and how she tried to convey that understanding to her Christian co-religionists.
Apparently, she's now converted.
Shavuot: One Night, Four Synagogues
After years studying the varieties of Jewish experience, a Jew by choice readies for her first Shavuot within the faith.
I hope she stops by my shul on Sunday night...I'd love to talk to her.
Apparently, she's now converted.
Shavuot: One Night, Four Synagogues
After years studying the varieties of Jewish experience, a Jew by choice readies for her first Shavuot within the faith.
I hope she stops by my shul on Sunday night...I'd love to talk to her.
Pope Benedict XVI - good for the Jews.
Pope Benedict XVI met in Rome on Thursday with some two dozen delegates from the International Jewish Committee for Interreligious Consultations – an umbrella body of major Jewish organizations – for a three-hour audience described by participants as "remarkable"....
Rabbi David Rosen, international director of interreligious affairs for the American Jewish Committee, called the meeting "very remarkable" in its tone.
"Even at private audiences, it's a highly choreographed event," said Rosen, who had met with the previous pope nearly a dozen times. "But [Benedict XVI] basically made it one of the most informal private audiences I've ever experienced. It was as fraternal as one could imagine. The atmosphere was warm beyond my greatest expectations."
Pope Benedict XVI met in Rome on Thursday with some two dozen delegates from the International Jewish Committee for Interreligious Consultations – an umbrella body of major Jewish organizations – for a three-hour audience described by participants as "remarkable"....
Rabbi David Rosen, international director of interreligious affairs for the American Jewish Committee, called the meeting "very remarkable" in its tone.
"Even at private audiences, it's a highly choreographed event," said Rosen, who had met with the previous pope nearly a dozen times. "But [Benedict XVI] basically made it one of the most informal private audiences I've ever experienced. It was as fraternal as one could imagine. The atmosphere was warm beyond my greatest expectations."
If I ever decide to live in Vermont remind me not to ask for the "CHAI18" vanity plate.
Local man fighting for JN36TN plate (That's John 3:16 to you and me).
Vermont regulations state that license plates are not allowed to have a combination of letters or numbers that refer to any language to race, religion, color, deity, ethnic heritage, gender, sexual orientation, disability status or political affiliation.
Local man fighting for JN36TN plate (That's John 3:16 to you and me).
Vermont regulations state that license plates are not allowed to have a combination of letters or numbers that refer to any language to race, religion, color, deity, ethnic heritage, gender, sexual orientation, disability status or political affiliation.
In Jewish law there is a belief that by preparing the dead for burial you are doing one of the greatest mitzvahs (good deeds) since the kindness can never be repaid.
If this represents the most unselfish of mitzvahs, how profound then is the wrong of grave desecration?
From Manchester, UK - Racist gang attack Jewish graves
About 100 headstones and graves were damaged at Rainsough Cemetery in Prestwich, causing damage put at nearly £150,000.
The damage was discovered on Thursday and reported to police.
Det Insp Simon Collier, from Greater Manchester Police, said: "I find it hard to believe that people could commit such a heartless offence."
I wonder of this has anything to do with the fact that a wealthy American Jew recently bought Manchester United, the NY Yankees of English soccer?
If this represents the most unselfish of mitzvahs, how profound then is the wrong of grave desecration?
From Manchester, UK - Racist gang attack Jewish graves
About 100 headstones and graves were damaged at Rainsough Cemetery in Prestwich, causing damage put at nearly £150,000.
The damage was discovered on Thursday and reported to police.
Det Insp Simon Collier, from Greater Manchester Police, said: "I find it hard to believe that people could commit such a heartless offence."
I wonder of this has anything to do with the fact that a wealthy American Jew recently bought Manchester United, the NY Yankees of English soccer?
Sunday, June 05, 2005
I did indeed call Howard Dean an a**hole not too long ago for which I have been rebuked by those who defend a more civil political discourse. That's OK - it turns out that there are at least two more polite gentlemen who took advantage of a much wider audience this morning to note their displeasure civilly.
Delaware Senator Joe Biden...
Asked about recent comments where Dean trashed Republicans as "evil" and said House Majority Leader Tom DeLay belongs in jail, Biden told ABC's "This Week": "He doesn't speak for me with that kind of rhetoric and I don't think he speaks for the majority of Democrats."
Former VP Candidate John Edwards...
Edwards also disagreed with Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean's controversial comment in a speech to liberal activists Thursday that many Republicans "have never made an honest living in their lives."
"The chairman of the DNC is not the spokesman for the party," Edwards said. "He's a voice. I don't agree with it."
Delaware Senator Joe Biden...
Asked about recent comments where Dean trashed Republicans as "evil" and said House Majority Leader Tom DeLay belongs in jail, Biden told ABC's "This Week": "He doesn't speak for me with that kind of rhetoric and I don't think he speaks for the majority of Democrats."
Former VP Candidate John Edwards...
Edwards also disagreed with Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean's controversial comment in a speech to liberal activists Thursday that many Republicans "have never made an honest living in their lives."
"The chairman of the DNC is not the spokesman for the party," Edwards said. "He's a voice. I don't agree with it."
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Perhaps you remember these lenghthy articles, part of a series that has been meant to single out Tom DeLay.
Probe of Abramoff and Nonprofits' Money Opens
DeLay Airfare Was Charged To Lobbyist's Credit Card
Well, after several months of this - guess what? The Washington Post finds out that senior Democrats were the largest recipients of Abramoff's largesse.
Democrats Also Got Tribal Donations
Lobbyist Jack Abramoff and an associate famously collected $82 million in lobbying and public relations fees from six Indian tribes and devoted a lot of their time to trying to persuade Republican lawmakers to act on their clients' behalf.
But Abramoff didn't work just with Republicans. He oversaw a team of two dozen lobbyists at the law firm Greenberg Traurig that included many Democrats. Moreover, the campaign contributions that Abramoff directed from the tribes went to Democratic as well as Republican legislators.
Among the biggest beneficiaries were Capitol Hill's most powerful Democrats, including Thomas A. Daschle (S.D.) and Harry M. Reid (Nev.), the top two Senate Democrats at the time, Richard A. Gephardt (Mo.), then-leader of the House Democrats, and the two lawmakers in charge of raising funds for their Democratic colleagues in both chambers, according to a Washington Post study.
Kudos for the Post for at least putting it on page 1 as they did the original stories which focused on DeLay.
Note: I am not trying to defend Tom DeLay as a person or politician, just pointing out what has seemed to be a focus on his misdeeds alone.
Democratic lawmakers who responded to inquiries for this article said that any money they received from the tribes had nothing to do with Abramoff. They were quick to say they did not know the man.
Sure.
Probe of Abramoff and Nonprofits' Money Opens
DeLay Airfare Was Charged To Lobbyist's Credit Card
Well, after several months of this - guess what? The Washington Post finds out that senior Democrats were the largest recipients of Abramoff's largesse.
Democrats Also Got Tribal Donations
Lobbyist Jack Abramoff and an associate famously collected $82 million in lobbying and public relations fees from six Indian tribes and devoted a lot of their time to trying to persuade Republican lawmakers to act on their clients' behalf.
But Abramoff didn't work just with Republicans. He oversaw a team of two dozen lobbyists at the law firm Greenberg Traurig that included many Democrats. Moreover, the campaign contributions that Abramoff directed from the tribes went to Democratic as well as Republican legislators.
Among the biggest beneficiaries were Capitol Hill's most powerful Democrats, including Thomas A. Daschle (S.D.) and Harry M. Reid (Nev.), the top two Senate Democrats at the time, Richard A. Gephardt (Mo.), then-leader of the House Democrats, and the two lawmakers in charge of raising funds for their Democratic colleagues in both chambers, according to a Washington Post study.
Kudos for the Post for at least putting it on page 1 as they did the original stories which focused on DeLay.
Note: I am not trying to defend Tom DeLay as a person or politician, just pointing out what has seemed to be a focus on his misdeeds alone.
Democratic lawmakers who responded to inquiries for this article said that any money they received from the tribes had nothing to do with Abramoff. They were quick to say they did not know the man.
Sure.
This is what passes for a legitimate news source on Google News. Not a general link to things Jewish (Jewwatch will always be at or near the top of that search), but the number 2 NEWS article found under the seacrh term "jewish".
THE WAR FOR ISRAEL - (and you thought the oil was for the U.S.). You are looking at the reason for the war against Iraq. This war is being fought for Ariel Sharon and for Israel’s strategic benefit!
Thats what Israel does. It has its intelligence organization, Mossad, carry out false flag operations and deceives others into attacking their enemies. In short they get others to fight their wars for them.
Israel is in the midst of its plan to use the United States military, which it controls, to conquer Iraq and divert Iraqi oil to the Haifa refinery via the Mosul to Haifa pipeline. The U.S. has built airbases at H2 and H3 (which stand for Haifa 2 and Haifa 3) to protect this strategic pipeline. The pipeline is intact, fully operational, and is being used to covertly send oil to Israel. Paid for with the blood of American soldiers that die in Iraq.
Iraq is being turned into another Palestine state for Israel.
THE WAR FOR ISRAEL - (and you thought the oil was for the U.S.). You are looking at the reason for the war against Iraq. This war is being fought for Ariel Sharon and for Israel’s strategic benefit!
Thats what Israel does. It has its intelligence organization, Mossad, carry out false flag operations and deceives others into attacking their enemies. In short they get others to fight their wars for them.
Israel is in the midst of its plan to use the United States military, which it controls, to conquer Iraq and divert Iraqi oil to the Haifa refinery via the Mosul to Haifa pipeline. The U.S. has built airbases at H2 and H3 (which stand for Haifa 2 and Haifa 3) to protect this strategic pipeline. The pipeline is intact, fully operational, and is being used to covertly send oil to Israel. Paid for with the blood of American soldiers that die in Iraq.
Iraq is being turned into another Palestine state for Israel.
A little joke to start off the week via Normblog (link on the right).
Abie and Sadie had a religious goods store on Delancey Street on the lower east side of NYC. The neighbourhood was changing. The Jews were moving to Westchester and the Hispanics were moving in.
"Abie, we have to move to Westchester," said Sadie.
"We can't", said Abie. "This neighborhood is our life. We've been here for thirty-three years. Maybe we can start stocking Catholic articles too."
Sadie says,"What? Catholic articles? Bistu in gantzen meshuggeh? [Are you completely crazy?] We're Jews. No Catholic articles!!!"
Well, a month passed and they sold nothing but two tallisim, three mezzuzahs and one set of tefillin. Now was the time to fish or cut bait.
Sadie agreed that they had to stock Catholic articles, so she said to Abie, "OK, call that Catholic supply house on Park Avenue."
Abie: "Hello, Catholic supply house on Park Avenue? This is Abie And Sadie's on Delancey Street. I want 100 autographed pictures of the Pope, 200 of those beads - what do you call them, rosaries? 500 crucifixes... and I need those things here tomorrow."
"OK, sir. I got your order. Let me read it back. 100 autographed pictures of the Pope, 200 sets of rosaries and 500 crucifixes. BUT - tomorrow we don't deliver. It's Shabbas."
Abie and Sadie had a religious goods store on Delancey Street on the lower east side of NYC. The neighbourhood was changing. The Jews were moving to Westchester and the Hispanics were moving in.
"Abie, we have to move to Westchester," said Sadie.
"We can't", said Abie. "This neighborhood is our life. We've been here for thirty-three years. Maybe we can start stocking Catholic articles too."
Sadie says,"What? Catholic articles? Bistu in gantzen meshuggeh? [Are you completely crazy?] We're Jews. No Catholic articles!!!"
Well, a month passed and they sold nothing but two tallisim, three mezzuzahs and one set of tefillin. Now was the time to fish or cut bait.
Sadie agreed that they had to stock Catholic articles, so she said to Abie, "OK, call that Catholic supply house on Park Avenue."
Abie: "Hello, Catholic supply house on Park Avenue? This is Abie And Sadie's on Delancey Street. I want 100 autographed pictures of the Pope, 200 of those beads - what do you call them, rosaries? 500 crucifixes... and I need those things here tomorrow."
"OK, sir. I got your order. Let me read it back. 100 autographed pictures of the Pope, 200 sets of rosaries and 500 crucifixes. BUT - tomorrow we don't deliver. It's Shabbas."
See the Western Wall in live streaming video! I think every shul should have a screen with this up on the wall next to the Aron Kodesh. If you register, they'll send you e-mails when special events take place at the Wall.
Just in case you were looking for it earlier this week - here's the now infamous San Francisco 49er training video.
What was intended as a humorous way of helping San Francisco 49ers players deal with the media has turned into a public-relations nightmare for the team, which is coming off a 2004 season in which it had only two victories.
An off-color video produced by the team's PR director featured racial jokes and nudity, and has infuriated team management and the mayor of San Francisco, who was also depicted in the video.
What was intended as a humorous way of helping San Francisco 49ers players deal with the media has turned into a public-relations nightmare for the team, which is coming off a 2004 season in which it had only two victories.
An off-color video produced by the team's PR director featured racial jokes and nudity, and has infuriated team management and the mayor of San Francisco, who was also depicted in the video.
If I read one more article about how thousands of my tax dollars are being spent investigating "Koran abuse" (yes they actually use that term) I'm going to scream.
Maybe the ACLU should go to the local Barnes & Noble and see how their copies of the Koran are handled. I have heard unconfirmed reports that infidels have placed "30% off" stickers on the the word of Allah! They are even placed in proximity to the Judaica section! Death to Barnes & Noble salesclerks, sons of monkeys and pigs!
Maybe the ACLU should go to the local Barnes & Noble and see how their copies of the Koran are handled. I have heard unconfirmed reports that infidels have placed "30% off" stickers on the the word of Allah! They are even placed in proximity to the Judaica section! Death to Barnes & Noble salesclerks, sons of monkeys and pigs!
Thank you Mr. Cirillo. Letter to the Editor in today's Dallas News.
Re: "Israelis fire on refugee camp," Tuesday news story.
The Associated Press article clearly identifies the Israeli target: "The violent Islamic Jihad said one of its cells, which minutes earlier had fired three rockets at an Israeli village just outside Gaza, was the target of the air strike."
I do not believe that The Dallas Morning News is normally guilty of bias in the tangled Israeli-Palestinian conflict, but in this case, your headline clearly was.
I couldn't find a link to the actual article - the Dallas News search engine is terrible - they should look at the NY Times site and hire whoever they use.
Re: "Israelis fire on refugee camp," Tuesday news story.
The Associated Press article clearly identifies the Israeli target: "The violent Islamic Jihad said one of its cells, which minutes earlier had fired three rockets at an Israeli village just outside Gaza, was the target of the air strike."
I do not believe that The Dallas Morning News is normally guilty of bias in the tangled Israeli-Palestinian conflict, but in this case, your headline clearly was.
I couldn't find a link to the actual article - the Dallas News search engine is terrible - they should look at the NY Times site and hire whoever they use.
Global Warming proponents discover that there is still some snow and ice in the Arctic.
It took 2½ years for polar explorers Lonnie Dupre and Eric Larsen to plan their trek across the Arctic Ocean.
But once launched, it took only three weeks for it to fall apart.
Amid a stretch of extraordinarily heavy snowfall, strong winds and broken and shifting ice, the two men from Grand Marais, Minn., who had hoped to become the first adventurers to cross the Arctic Ocean in summer, abandoned their expedition Thursday after advancing only 45 miles in 24 days.
Conditions were so treacherous, in fact, that the men, who had hoped to make the crossing to call attention to global warming and the receding polar ice cap, couldn't be picked up and airlifted out by helicopter until Friday.
When I plan my vacations, I try to travel based on weather reports and historical trends as opposed to weather theories. That being said it had never been 47 degrees on a late May afternoon in Boston as it was last week. I guess we're all losers.
As they say in Yiddish, "Der mensch trakht un Gott lahkht" - "Man plans and God laughs".
It took 2½ years for polar explorers Lonnie Dupre and Eric Larsen to plan their trek across the Arctic Ocean.
But once launched, it took only three weeks for it to fall apart.
Amid a stretch of extraordinarily heavy snowfall, strong winds and broken and shifting ice, the two men from Grand Marais, Minn., who had hoped to become the first adventurers to cross the Arctic Ocean in summer, abandoned their expedition Thursday after advancing only 45 miles in 24 days.
Conditions were so treacherous, in fact, that the men, who had hoped to make the crossing to call attention to global warming and the receding polar ice cap, couldn't be picked up and airlifted out by helicopter until Friday.
When I plan my vacations, I try to travel based on weather reports and historical trends as opposed to weather theories. That being said it had never been 47 degrees on a late May afternoon in Boston as it was last week. I guess we're all losers.
As they say in Yiddish, "Der mensch trakht un Gott lahkht" - "Man plans and God laughs".
Friday, June 03, 2005
Madonna has been named one of the most powerful Jewish Americans despite protestations from her spokeswoman that "Madonna is not Jewish."
J.J. Goldberg, editor of the Jewish weekly, defended its decision to include Madonna on the list saying, "She's a practitioner of the Kabbalah, so she's practicing Judaism for Christ's sake! Well, not really for Christ's sake, but she's probably the world's best known practitioner of Judaism right now."
Actually for me, it was the name "Madonna" that gave it away....
J.J. Goldberg, editor of the Jewish weekly, defended its decision to include Madonna on the list saying, "She's a practitioner of the Kabbalah, so she's practicing Judaism for Christ's sake! Well, not really for Christ's sake, but she's probably the world's best known practitioner of Judaism right now."
Actually for me, it was the name "Madonna" that gave it away....
Is it really true that the same liberals (read ACLU) who think it's OK to burn the American flag, will stop at nothing to embarrass the U.S. government over the gross human rights violation of mishandling of the Koran in front of a believer?
As some pundits have said - aren't we paying to give them the Korans in the first place? Since when is it a human right to have distributed to you religious material that you use as the rational for destroying the society that you are a prisoner of? Did we hand out special editions of Mein Kampf to German prisoners of war in WWII? Maybe large print for the older Nazis?
Captain's Quarters shares my thoughts:
If Saturday Night Live wrote a parody of American hypersensitivity in fighting a war on terror, I doubt they could create something more ridiculous than this. Can you imagine our grandparents having this kind of debate had an American guard pissed on Mein Kampf at a POW camp for German POWs?
Why are liberals who laugh at conservative Christians and try to eliminate all references to God from public life or teaching so willing to prove how righteous radical Muslims are and ensure they are provided with religious texts, halal meat, etc.? It must be that they are afraid of upsetting the Muslims as we know they don't worry about upsetting God. Fear does not lead to victory.
As some pundits have said - aren't we paying to give them the Korans in the first place? Since when is it a human right to have distributed to you religious material that you use as the rational for destroying the society that you are a prisoner of? Did we hand out special editions of Mein Kampf to German prisoners of war in WWII? Maybe large print for the older Nazis?
Captain's Quarters shares my thoughts:
If Saturday Night Live wrote a parody of American hypersensitivity in fighting a war on terror, I doubt they could create something more ridiculous than this. Can you imagine our grandparents having this kind of debate had an American guard pissed on Mein Kampf at a POW camp for German POWs?
Why are liberals who laugh at conservative Christians and try to eliminate all references to God from public life or teaching so willing to prove how righteous radical Muslims are and ensure they are provided with religious texts, halal meat, etc.? It must be that they are afraid of upsetting the Muslims as we know they don't worry about upsetting God. Fear does not lead to victory.
Wow. I just realized I haven't posted anything for about a week. Busy. Busy. Busy.
My all-time hero has started a blog of his own. No, it's not Ronald Reagan - that would be quite an accomplishment. It's not Natan Sharansky, although I admire him a lot. It's - Tom Terrific!
Do you know how hard it was to find a lefty Tom Seaver glove when I was a kid?
My all-time hero has started a blog of his own. No, it's not Ronald Reagan - that would be quite an accomplishment. It's not Natan Sharansky, although I admire him a lot. It's - Tom Terrific!
Do you know how hard it was to find a lefty Tom Seaver glove when I was a kid?
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